I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
