At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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