too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
