why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
