I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
