I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize