i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
