i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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