you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All the doctor said was why
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
