He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
