We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
