I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
