Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
