I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
