i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize