My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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