youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
