Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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