Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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