remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
