she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
