he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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