for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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