I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
