he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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