It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
