Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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