Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
