ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
