oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
