I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
