Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
