I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you didnt know i had herpes?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
