Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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