Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
