What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
