now i know why i became what i already was.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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