i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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