Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize