Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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