you're like a bully in the Christmas story
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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