She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
