it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
