Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
