Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
