hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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