hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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