i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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