There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
