There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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