She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
