There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
