I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
