I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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