What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
