What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no you cant smoke seaweed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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