Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
