Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.