Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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