Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I would fuck him just for his dog
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
