i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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