1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I supernannyed him into submission
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
