I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
