I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
