Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
