That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
