A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
