So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
