Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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