only if we run a train.
done.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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